Writings

Co-dependency


Last night my internet all of a sudden refused to work, and although I tried every possible reboot, unplug or plead, it simply kept denying me access. I eventually did some sort of scan through some recommended program and when I woke up the IT fairy had magically worked it out and I could go online again. This is not a rare occurence down here where the IT universe is still in it's learning to walk stage and everytime it happens I become very aware of how dependent we are on it. In our case, we literally could not work if there was no internet, which is quite ironic given that our job really is about being with a group of people in a room...
Co-dependency

I know some die hard conservationist that feel scared of the enormous amount of space and time the online world claims from us, but I am really quite happy about the reach it gives me, that I, despite the fact that I live here in the country side surrounded by greenery, ocean and farm animals far away from roots and family, can access the world through any of my computer like devices and feel connected. I remember when I started travelling the world, when going on a trip to a far away land meant that you had to find a payphone in order to tell your parents that you were still alive, and although in some ways that was more exciting, felt more like an adventure I am happy that the rapid development in communication is here. Now, being a parent myself that somehow feels reassuring for the future.

Igor has gone to work out of town for a bit and it's just me and Iomi at home. Being alone with work and all the practical duties is a big undertaking. I understand it must be very difficult being a single parent and I am so happy to have found a partner that I continue to love sharing my highs and lows with. These little times apart makes me so appreciate the fluency our 14 years together have created, how we now automatically have each others backs and do whatever is needed and necessary, almost wthout growling, for the other to feel good. I used to heavily frown upon these co-dependent relationships but have realized and given in to the truth is that all relationships are co-dependent. Our whole existence is based on this dependency. We need the cashier in the supermarket, the bus driver, the people who build houses roads and bridges, the teacher that takes on our childs education... there is not one single relation in our lives that is superfluous and they all are to some extent importanct. We truly need one another.

And now most of us are in a similarly co-dependent relationship to our computers, routers, antennas and internet providers, and even though these devices at times drives us as crazy as our partner or the snail like speed of the supermarket cashier, (may not be the same for you northern dwellers, but down here in the south of things, everything still moves at a very human pace which gets even slower as the summer days become hotter), they also provide us with simple solutions when malfunctioning, like I experienced yesterday. After going through all my own ideas of how to amend the problem, the (by the computer)recommended scan of the whole system was all that was needed.
Perhaps that is not a bad idea to try on the other malfunctioning relationships in our lives as well. To once in a while scan the history of the relation to see where there was a corruption, a misunderstanding or miscommunication that has remained as a virus poisoning the relation. Unfortunately the human alliances will not be as easy to fix as a malfunctioning connection, but nonetheless, all in all not a bad idea. Knowing that we need each other, that our lives are interconnected and co-dependent, to try to iron out the kinks in all our alliances makes a lot of sense.

I try to do that, more or less successfully with all these human relations, since I know that I depend on them. I am also working on my resistance to being so dependent on the computer machine and try to fully embrace this moment in time where world wide connection is available at the push of a button, after all it has brought so much good stuff to my life, it's opened the door to writing, it's allowing me to work with yoga down here, which if there was no internet connection I would have great difficulties doing, and most importantly it keeps me in touch with my family and friends around the world, now, if my parents are worried, they can just call, text, e-mail, facebook or...and likewise if I need to hear Igor's sweet voice when he is absent it's reassuring to know that I can. This former in-dependent has happily become a co-dependent while at the same time, this co-dependent becomes independent by fully resuming the responsibility of living in relationship.

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