Writings

Resilience


I have had a very good week and it's because I put down the first words to a book that in becoming, is the fullfilment of an old dream. It's not really the thought of the finished book that makes me smile, but the fact that I finally have started to write it.
Through the process of yoga I have come to acknowledge some icky but undeniable truths about myself. I am scared, I am insecure, I have little trust in people and little trust in life. This makes me conveniently lazy, that laziness is a layer that is covering the fear of moving towards my potential. That is how it's been since I was a kid and no amount of practice is going to erase that. I have throughout the years also become aware of my talents, my gifts and my stubborness which has so far always overruled this fearful laziness. That and the fact that I am a searcher, a resilient one.
These stretched out cohabiting set of personalities, have previously made it difficult to move consistently in one direction. To set a goal for myself and stick with it. I have literally been all over the place.

Meeting Igor and deciding to commit to love, then finding yoga which manifested that choice of love as a way of life, has made me aware that behind all the big choices in life that I stuck with, love was the driving engine. Love kept me dancing despite all the challenges I met there, it is the only thing that truly glued mine and Igor's otherwise quite inconvenient marriage and partnership together and love is what has made me finally settle down here in this breathtaking place. Love has been what has helped me to finally in my forties, choose the cornerstones of my existence; with whom, where, and doing what.

Now since the 'what' I am doing is yoga which by definition is undefinable, the possibility for it's expression is omnipotent. I live it through teaching and the little bit of dancing I do, but was always scared to express it through writing for a public. Even though it was a dream I had way before dancing entered the picture. It just felt too intimate. I know from all those books I read, that words when printed are a hint to the creator behind them and bound by the feeling that gave birth to them, so writing for others to read felt too revealing.
So this step of committing to write a book was a big decision and this week when I started, I noticed that by just fueling this old flame, something has moved inside. It feels good, that movement, which feels like a reward for having stayed put when all I wanted to do was escape.

So, remember that it's important what you choose to pursue, you and the world will be better served by your pursuit if there's love involved. Love is the only thing that will make you trudge throught the swamp of boredom and laziness. By loving what you do or pursue, you will always have the incentive to keep culitvating resilience, and resilience is key because life, if we're lucky, is a marathon, not a sprint. And like the marathon runner, we want to keep a skilful balance between desire and selfpreservation to make it to the finish line with a feeling of celebration in our hearts.

 

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