Writings

Sex-the female orgasm


The female orgasm. it's a complicated thing, some women go or have gone their whole lives without experiencing it. Some women experience it only solo, for some it's like a yawn and some get hooked to it and the verification it gives. For me it has always symbolized and expressed the ability to truly let go of control and since controlfreakedness has been one of my issues, so has the orgasm.
Sex-the female orgasm
For many years I didn't have one, not even by myself, didn't understand which buttons to choose and faked it, probably very well, throughout my youth. Then I learned to achive one using my fingers and imagination and got for some years pretty hooked to that way of experiencing it, no duet ever came close to throw me so far out there as when I was alone, and even though I had lovers I still prefered my solitary exploration. Intimacy and closeness terrified me, so subsequently I never really trusted anyone enough to see me when out of control. And the funny thing is I never thought it was an issue. I thought it was OK and normal an 'all women do it' kind of thing. So I missed out on that whole experience when I was young(er). These days it is different. As with so many of my issues, the one of orgasm and sexuality at large started healing and coming in to place when I met Igor. Love, was the missing thing for me. I had used sex to get love, never expressed love through sex, and when I reversed the order things opened up. I realised how incredibly damaged I was, and we had a few years when our relationship went through a lot of pain because of it, we managed to piece it together with what some may think of as non-conventional means but crossed a big hurdle and now have bedtime moments full of love, with honesty at the base and very generous in freedom of exploration, which have turned the sexual experience in to a very powerful healing one.
I believe we women as much as men have that need to let go and release, to set some of the balance straight. When you orgasm it has the same effect as when you cry, laugh, sweat, pee or shit. It expulses some of that heavy load of excess energy that most of us carry from the sensory overload we are exposed to by just living. All that intake coupled with our own emotional response to events, people and thought create tension and the orgasm is a great way to release. Besides that, when you are not be able to enjoy orgasm, there is very likely something hidden inside that you are not seeing, some unexplored pain or prejudice that is blocking you, possibly something you are scared to reveal.

For those of you women who read this and can in some way relate, if you have a hard time achieving orgasm a good first question you can ask yourself is:
Do I want to do this? Do I really want to be here?
If the answer is yes follow it up with:
What do I really feel about sex? Does it scare me, intimidate me, makes me feel ashamed?
And if you are with someone:
Do I feel free to express myself, am I being really honest with this person? Do I feel that my sexual performance need to live up to some sort of invisible yard stick?

I will leave you with these questions today and we continue exploring this vital topic tomorrow

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