Writings

So, I think I can dance


I'm falling in love with dance again. Like really in love. I saw some "Dancing with the stars" and "So You Think You Can Dance" clips in YouTube and found myself for the first time in ages moved by it. It's was beautiful feeling. Like one of relief. In my divorce from the profession I did turn my back quite rudely to everything dance. Like ripping the band aid off quickly kind of...
So, I think I can dance
Giving in to once again loving and admiring the relentless passion that permeates and unites all dancers feels besides exciting and inspiring also healing in many ways. Seems there is no scar tissue left and that's a freeing sensation.
It all started with Bindi Irwin, the girl who won Dancing with the stars in the States. She was breathtaking. She managed to go beyond my oh so jaded and judgy old dancer critic and became a sweet reminder of what for me dancing was all about, at least in the beginning. I loved watching her childish enthusiasm and from all the participants of theses little YouTube moments, the communal 'dance til you drop' mentality all dancers bring to the table. I realized I miss that.

Dance is such an emotive art, it doesn't necessarily appeal to the intellect, but if skilfully portrayed speaks directly to the heart and it seems I am once back in a place where watching a piece of heart wrenching dance even in the limited format of my iPad stirs me up and cracks something deep inside open. I guess dance for me is like that old lover, the one who got away, the one who should you revisit centuries and life times after, still ignite that same flame. It reminds me that feeling deeply, is a thing of beauty and part of what makes being human so precious.

Learned so much from seeing Miss Irwin's approach to dancing, the grace and ease with which she accepted struggle an inspiration. Watching her propelled me back to my initial learning-to- dance years, made me remember how, in comparison to her, mentally inept I was. I took struggle so seriously, let myself drown in it and used it as a crutch and an excuse on so many occasions it feels both a embarrassing looking back at it but also awakens a sensation of tenderness for that girl who struggled so.

I get it now, our ability to deal skillfully with pain is an essential part of how able we are to grow and change and if we can tackle our pain with grace and a keen sense of humor, joy is born from it. When we take pain as a threat and a sign of demise, we freeze our ability to see how much we can do, how open to life we can be. These are all valuable lessons I have learned from my years in yoga but the young dancer I was had no idea how to, beyond aspirin and denial, handle all the pains that came with the territory.

Seeing these YouTube things I have felt inspired to start dancing again. I have taught a small group of teenagers for a couple of years now and it's been fun in a detached way but I think I am going to step it up one notch. Now I have managed to restore many of the old dancers injuries, am in the process of realigning so to speak, and do feel a tiny little bit apprehensive about my old habit of throwing caution to the wind when I am dancing, but still the old: "Nothing ventured nothing gained" is one of my favorite proverbs one that I still solemnly swear to live by, so caution will be thrown, I'm just gonna trust that the wind at this stage of life is a breeze.

I'm very fortunate to have an opportunity to reacquaint myself with dancing in a small town where prestige and the importance of artistry is not. Not many people here give a damn, very few have a preconceived notion of what quality culture is and that allows me to more bravely re-explore the dance train without my delicate ego getting in the way.
So, I am going to put up a show. And call it a show, since I couldn't possibly call it a piece, that would send me skyrocketing back to the days when what I performed or produced needed to in some way reflect who I subconsciously was and what I thought of this and that and bla...
If I call it a show it will be unchartered territory and I can dive in to it with childish abandon.

The idea is exciting...

 

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