Writings

Welcome Home Igor


Igor is back home and that is so nice. My Love. I have missed him, and I have missed his male quality presence.
Welcome Home Igor
Yesterday I got a flat tyre, the second one since I am here, the first time I immediately called my best friend Pedro who came and did it for me. But this time I felt that I had to man up and handle it alone, like a strong woman. For a while I was completely paralyzed. I looked at the spare tyre in the trunk for a good 5 minutes, eventually I called Igor and asked him to talk me through how to change the bloody thing but got only as far as to the part when you attach the cross thing to the screws thing. And there the process came to an abrupt halt. No matter what I did I could not move the screws thing, I even jumped on top of it but to no avail. Luckily I was parked in front of Iomi's school and one of the moms who witnessed my struggle while driving by quickly said: I'l go get Sergio, the only male teacher who was still there. Sergio didn't come but another Pedro came to the rescue did and after 5 minutes the spare tyre was on, the broken one in the trunk and I had gotten a lesson in tyre changing techniques which I can now 24 hours later only retain snippets from.

I could have gone and asked a male figure already from the beginning, which was my first instinct, but since I had done that once already, I felt ashamed for being such a 'woman', that could not handle this not too complicated task. Now, I grew up in Sweden where feminism is a bestseller, so 'female empowerment' is part of my conditioning and the superwoman reaction is very often my first response, but truth be told, I actually enjoy being a helpless little woman sometimes, I do. I understand it is also a kind of feminism since it comes from the part of my female cunning, making the man feel big and strong so he will do what I am too uninterested to deal with , I will call it female liberation in that it's the female being liberated from boring tasks that seem to require a going to the gym and lifting weights kind if effort.

I have asked myself many times if I'm a feminist. And have come to the following conclusion: I am a woman, so yes that would make me at least by gender entitlement a feminist. And like I said, growing up in Sweden you are a more feminist than ninety percent of the population even if you are a man, so... However, I am not too fond of any kind of -ism since it excludes and claims separation, so no, in that sense I am not. After my growing years I have always chosen not to participate in anything where there is just women discussing female issues, since I feel that anything other than discussing childbirth, period pains or new and innovative ways to deal with your vagina, need not be exclusive to women. Why further an already exisitng misunderstanding and lack of communication and widen the gap, by not being open even welcoming to men at any conversation that deals with feeling, difficulties in relationships, or any other issue pertaining to life at large? We are after all dealing with the same issues, doubt worry, fear so why not commiserate, empathize and use all angles available to ponder upon the human dilemma?

My life has been enrichened, enlightened and enlarged by the experience of co-existing with men and women alike, but it's the comittment to bridge the opposites that makes it all worth my while and being in a close partnership with this typical, atypical man has clarified a lot. Not that I couldn't be a soloist, an independant single lady with a rich life. But I really don't want to. I am so happy to call this man my home. Welcome home Igor.

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