Writings

Post hibernation


Hello. Back after a long break. Not from writing, no, I have spent these last couple of months working on my book, spending an equal amount of time on both writing it and not writing it. Struggling in the midst of the ping pong game of belief/conviction vs. the blank intimidating mind.
Post hibernation
Or. Eager articulate waves of creativity meets the harsh inner critic and its many opinions, explosions of lethargy and procrastination which in the process of creation feels like psycholigical warfare. One word/sentence/paragraph down, two to the recycling bin....at times it has felt and still feels like an impossible feat, but I can't really give up now, kind of, almost halfway there...

It's that good old battle with doubt, restlessness and the intense desire to just bail out that any more risky endeavor brings to the table. I know it well but somehow that doesn't exactly make it easier. To be at a loss for words when trying to write a book does provoke varying degrees of anxiety and the occasional bout of self loathing. Like I said, all familiar territory...sometimes I manage it with practice, sometimes with YouTube. When I feel really full of worthlessness, I google Donald Trump, just to see him speak makes me instantly forget, ignore or simply override any self pity. If that guy feels like what he has to say is important and of use to the world, well then...

During my blogging absence we have also been in Amsterdam teaching a weekend course for our Dutch students. It was such a treat. Besides it being wonderful spending time in what I consider to be the nicest Capitols in Europe, we had, I think, for the first time a full room of yogis with no yoga virgins. Everyone had been at it for a few years, which of course makes it very interesting from a teaching perspective, allowing us to dive a little deeper, allowing the students to discover another level of the richness of practice, the one that can only be found after the first yoga honeymoon is over.

We finally did an approximation of a detox. In Amsterdam of all places. It was only half assed and ended with a coffee and bagel feast before we left for the airport, but still. One week of green as deposit in the bank of health, to be cashed when that little bit of extra indulgence is called for.

Retreat season has started as well. Have completed our first two of the season and it's being so good to be back in the teachers cushion after the rest our winter hibernation provided. Vale da Lama is feeling glorious all dressed in spring colors and it is so exciting to welcome our students there. I feel happy with the way our teaching is unfolding. It was useful to work in commercial studios to begin with, was wonderful to have our own studio, and this, to host people for a week, at a distance from their life circumstance in a surrounding of tranquility and care, is proving to be a very beautiful and useful way to teach.

Meanwhile, the world is looking...well, not exactly peaceful. Terror, fear, people on the run, governments baffled, bewildered and helpless as public opinion is becoming increasingly divided about what is the "right" course of action. Most media coverage limited as usual, with an accompanying background of social media posts giving opinion about this what is published as newsworthy. The major publications riding the waves of fear people are experiencing in order to sell, with no apparent regard for the effect their angles and takes on these horrific events and their aftermath have on their readers. And then there's Donald Trump. I mean...people of The at this point very un-United states of America, what the...?!
Makes me both want to escape to somewhere far away where there is no wifi and stick my head in the sand, and at the same time do something. The problem is, what do you do? What can you do when what is happening is for sure not going to end anytime soon? When the world seems to be in a state of acute upheaval? When you deal with a brand of warfare that completely disregards the human life and even woos its soldiers with the promise of glory, abundance and willing virgins in the afterworld. When any solution is met with both praise and blame and still is not sufficient to help these immensely complicated issues at hand. At this point evolution seem to move too slowly, it appears we need a revolution of sorts.
I don't think we'll get anywhere until the proportions of the problem are so obscenely overwhelming that we have no other choice but to to wake up and feel unity. The intelligence of nature and the earth is certainly speaking to us loud and clear, but we're so busy fighting, worrying, fearing and envying that the monstrosity of the problem shrinks to an occasional reminder in an acceptance speech from Hollywood Boulevard.

I know.

I'm not helping.

At times I feel a bit like..., like I should do more, contribute more, be more active...Practicing and teaching yoga although all encompassing appears limiting when I look at the full scope of the tragedies and miracles of this world, but I guess it's what is in my plate, what I can do. Practice so that I don't drown in negativity, and discover how I can live alongside it without making it my enemy or ignoring it. Teach what I find useful so that more people can discover for themselves that it's possible to be both soft and strong, and together maybe we can share this confusing experience of groundlessness.
And then I have this relatively new pastime of writing for you. I suppose it's in some ways an expansion on all that practicing and teaching, putting it all down and writing a book, is my attempt at doing something more. Weaving together what I've learned and spread my contribution in a wider, bigger picture. That's probably why it's so hard to find the words at times, the bigger more encompassing vehicle feels daunting for my mind and puts me in touch with those familiar growing pains again, I wonder if Mr Trump experiences those...?
Igor's birthday is in four weeks and I have promised him a complete first rough draft of the book by then so, don't know how much you'll see me here but to quote another politician who also made it there by entertaining..."I'll be back!"

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