Writings

Sex


There is not enough talk about sex in the spiritual world. Unless you are an 'Oshoite' or deep into the sexual aspect of tantra it's a topic that we yogis like to avoid. There's just too much confusion around it, as it has been in all spiritual or religous traditions.
Sex
Is it really that uncomfortable? It must be. I meet hundreds of women every year as a teacher of yoga, and a great number of them have issues with sexuality. Yet they have a hard time finding help or even talking frankly about it with anyone unless they google 'sex therapy' or 'sexual healing' which for many is too big a jump to take. There's dishes to be done, work to be produced together with all the other agenda fillers that feel more comfortable to view as musts. Dealing with something so loaded as our sexuality slips pretty far down on the to do list. Well I am ready to go down there. I think it's time to talk about it. I will keep it in mind as a topic for the blog and this will probably part 1 of many to come, this time I'll only scratch the surface of this loaded gun until we get more comfortable with each other.
So, what is sex? Well, for starters it's communication and much like any other form of communication it's multi purposeful. We can use it to express desire, love and through it forge a more intimate connection with another and with ourselves. We can use it to convince, cajole, manipulate and negotiate with. How sexy we are to others play a huge part in how we view ourselves, it can help us gain status or a reputation, usually the status is given to the guys and the girls get the rep. So, like any form of communication, it can be used for a wide variety of uses. And this particular vehicle of communication is a very powerful one. It's life force we're talking about here. It's so powerful that we're repeatedly warned of it, censored from it and generally discouraged to take too many experimental excursions away from it's more accepted marital or committed form. Yes, I know that we're in the year 2014, 15 almost, but let's be honest here, we're still dominated by a sexual morality that was installed by those who felt it's potential danger centuries ago, and the result is, as with anything that is surpressed, that it has grown, expanded. It's all over the place. Today, some people think of sex in the content of steady relationships, some only in the privacy of their own bathroom, some view it as a kind of currency while others feel like they are not really having sex unless it involves an Italian MILF, an elaborate threesome or some light to medium spanking. Some try very hard to not think about it at all. But everyone has a relationship to sex. Everyone. It's part of the physical make up of everything, it's the energy that invites or provokes new life into being. In us humans it is of course very complex, given the complexity of our mind, but if you compare the mating rituals of the ready to mate bird of paradise to those of a cat in heat to those of a horny human in a nightclub, there are definitely more similarities than differences.

My relationship to sex is as my relationship to most, a work in progress. I have had good sex and worse sex. I have been frigid and enjoyed immense sexual pleasure. It's fascinated, captivated and repelled me at the same time. I have had periods of complete celibacy both voluntarily and involuntarily, and times of plenty. But in all the years since puberty it has been an issue. At this point in my life, I feel more clear about it. A bit more at peace with sex. That has only happened by working with it internally for many years, once addressed, it was like a deep psychological well full of Freudian slips. But as in all aspects of life, Yoga has been most helpful. Awareness in sexuality, in it's fullness, is very revealing. And besides really enjoying it I'm also discovering it's valuable health properties. Sex and our relationship to it is a very important part of us figuring out our puzzle. I think we need to talk about it. It would be a pity to keep it out of our spiritual map simply because it's so confusing. The weight of its absence or very selected presence in the spiritual conversation, given the fact that it's such a worldwide human polemic, tells me that there's something we, by fear of it's confusion, are avoiding. I suggest that perhaps it's time to dig a little deeper in the subject. To pick it up from the bottom of our list, get down there, address the many shadows around sexuality and shed some light on this burning but very important topic.

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