Writings

When I grow up...


When we're young it comes natural to ask ourselves who we want to be when we grow up. At some point maybe we feel that we have reached that goal and we forget or simply no longer reflect upon the fact that we are still very much growing up. That we don't just stop growing because we have a career and/or a family. It's a sensible question to continue asking yourself: Who do I want to be when we grow up? Who am I looking to become?

When I was very young I would have answered that question, had I been more aware and honest: I don't care as long as I am beautiful and people like me, some years later I would have answered: An artist. (From my juvenile standpoint, they were in essence the same...)
A few years ago, I would have replied: a Buddha, an all compassionate being and that hasn't changed, but now, I am also looking to, when I grow up, be a good criminal. A Buddha, an all compassionate being and a very successful criminal. And maybe a diamond thief...?

There are moments when the state of the world wears you down. When wherever you look, whether that is online or in your immediate surroundings what you see is deeply disappointing and leaves you with a feeling of disillusion. Lately I seem to have reached that sort of saturation point. Life, through the global updates I receive in cyberspace is terribly disheartening. We're at a seemingly hopeless point where the human condition is full of evil, greed and fear. Leaders, who are in positions to help, guide and govern us are corrupt by those same forces and anyone trying to make a difference is silently drowning in the madness of it all. You have to be blind to not see and acknowledge the immense amount of suffering present in the people of this world.

This makes me both want to step in fully and take on all that pain as my own and crush it with truth and love, and simultaneously step all the way out, abandon all linear conventional thinking and live exactly 'how the fuck I want' which for all intents and purposes would make me a criminal, as it would you or anyone who would care to explore that proposition.
There is a need for more of us to step forth and become that criminal, to balance out the ignorance prevalent in society, in culture and in media. We who feel touched by it, need to collectively acknowledge the stupidity and step out.

I am besides a yogi, very much an artist at heart and I recently heard a very fitting definition of what that entails, clearly stated by the director Bennet Miller, who in a discussion with his peers put it like this: "I think we should acknowledge that artists are by nature deviants, and we're not totally unrelated to the criminal mind....there is (in artists) a willingness to abandon conventional way of thinking and conventional morals".

The key here is conventional. I so wish the world would stop leaning so god damn much towards the convenient. In order for proper change and intelligent order to prevail we all must adopt and cultivate courage to question for whom and what we are convenient for. Following these more and more absurd laws, created "for our protection and safety" is only convenient for those who wish to remain in power, but not for the thriving or even survival of the human species. Blindly following the guidelines of our leaders will allow for this type of world order to continue until we really fuck it up and have to perish or settle down on Mars, convenient for now, but not so if you think big picture.
I would say if anything we need to collectively shape up and become more artistically inconvenient to the current state of things, otherwise the revolution when it hits, will become a very bloody affair and our crimes of a much more violent nature.

To be inconvenient these days, you easily become criminal. Just read a heartbreaking article in the Sydney morning herald, where doctors and teachers working in immigration detention facilities are now restrained by law to speak out against the injustices and abuse they witness in their work environment. They face prison up to two years should they break that law. Oh my god, placing caretakers who work for the benefit of those in need in prison for speaking their minds...oh my god.


So, my wish, when I grow up, is to be more successfully criminal. Successful at courageously question authority, to speak up and defy those laws only conveniently created to secure the seats of power. That is what is required of me as an artist and yogi, that is what is required of all of us if we want to transform this current version of infantile leadership and evolve as a species. To become criminals in the same vein that Gandhi and King, criminals with the rough violent edges smoothed out by truthful, intelligent speech and action. That is who I want to be when I grow up. Or maybe a diamond thief...

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